If you’re like me you have a problem, an addiction that on the streets goes by the name ASOIAF. Luckily, it’s the greatest time of the year! Game of Thrones returns in 12 hours for seven weeks. To celebrate I’ll be trying something new here on Mediocre Penguin. We’ll talk about the specifics in a minute. Let’s jump right into the hypestravaganza.
Warning: Spoilers lie ahead. SPOILERS. Seriously, don’t be dumb and ruin it for yourself.
If you somehow haven’t seen it here’s the trailer.
We’ve only got thirteen episodes left in the series and we’re far, far past the realm of the books which means I’m as lost as anyone. That feeling is simultaneously exciting, confusing, and terrifying. How have show-only-folks heart’s not exploded from anxiety over the last six years? There’s so much I want to know. Will Benioff & Weiss finally nix Dorne? I pray every night. Will Bran be totally awesome? Damn straight.
Please, please Bran, do some cool shit. You’re my favorite. Don’t let me down.
Anyway. Here’s my, by no means exhaustive, questions and speculations for the next seven episodes broken down by character/location.
-As the newly appointed King in the North (so great) he’s got a lot of new responsibility. To the north there’s the White Walkers and their wight army. To the south he has the likes of Cersei, the Freys, and Daenerys. I’m going to predict that Jon ventures north of the Wall as we see in the trailer and gets defeated. Then, in some fashion he will meet with Daenerys to convince her of the true threat to humanity. This meeting will likely occur in the last bit of the season, setting up the main conflict of season eight.
-Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark are Jon’s parents. The only questions are: is he still a bastard, if not then will it matter, and how will it be revealed. I hope Bran gets to be vehicle of revelation.
-Jon Snow will not die. As Rhaegar says in the House of the Undying “his is the song of ice and fire.”
I don’t want it to be so, but I fear it is. Arya will die. Not easily, and not before killing some more but there’s just no way she survives until the end of the series. Not even the fact that Arya is George R. R. Martin’s wife’s favorite character can save her. (If you’re not so sure take a minute to reread the chapter in A Game of Thrones where Jon gives Arya Needle.) Before she dies will she at least get to reunite with Nymeria? Will Jon tousle Arya’s hair one more time? Arya, you stress me out.
Will Bran be awesome? Will Bran warg a dragon? (OH MY GOD PLEASE!) I have no predictions for Bran, only questions and questions and questions.
-Tinfoil time. I’ve thought Sansa will be Queen for several years now and for a long time that meant Queen of the North. Last week I wondered, what if Daenerys fails or sacrifices herself to defeat the White Walkers? Sansa Stark and Jon Targaryen are then somehow left to rule. Ice and Fire. That sounds like a big stretch and too cheesy for Martin but I’m going to throw it out there in case I’m right. We’ll know in two years.
-Will there be a Stark reunion this season? If not, there better not be five near misses. That drives me crazy.
Everyone knows Cersei is a dead-woman walking. What crazy things will she do before her death? I have zero substantial ideas but I think she’ll be on the defensive for most of the season.
One of the shows unforgivable sins is the way it handles Jaime’s character. His redemption arc from A Storm of Swords on is masterful. His burning of Cersei’s letter begging for help in A Feast for Crows is one of the greatest “Hell yeah!” moments of the series. The show-runners cannot deny these changes forever. Eventually, Jaime will spurn Cersei when he realizes the monster she has become. He will fulfill the prophecy of Maggy the Frog (he is the valonqar) and strangle her when she tries to do something truly terrible.
-From the trailer it appears Tyrion takes back Casterly Rock using knowledge from when he was placed in charge of its sewer system by Tywin. Sound strange? Trust me. This is exactly how the Unsullied will get into the impregnable Casterly Rock.
-As far as a larger role, I think he will cement his legacy as a diplomat. He will help to ease the tensions between Jon and Daenerys. He will be the Hand the knits the realm together.
Why in the hell did Sam steal his father’s Valyrian steel blade? It makes zero damn sense. Will it give him an epiphany at the last moment while studying at the Citadel that Valyrian steel is crucial to defeating the White Walkers. Probably. Even though we learned that in Season 5 Episode 8 in one of the greatest moments of the show.
I suspect we haven’t seen the last explosion to rock King’s Landing. In an early season we’re shown a vision of the throne room. At first glance it appears to be snow. But what if it’s ash? We know that there was wildfire under the whole of King’s Landing, not just under the Sept of Baelor. What if one of Dany’s dragons accidentally set if off during the invasion? What if Cersei tries to set it off in one last act of desperation and Jaime has to step in just like he did years earlier with the Mad King?
Will the Wall fall? I think so. Imagine this. The final scene of the season. The wall comes crashing down. We see a close-up of the Night’s King, then the camera pulls back and shows his army. Boom. He’s coming to mess some stuff up in season 8.
No questions. It will happen.
So that’s the hypestravaganza. Enjoy the beginning of the end tomorrow. Check back every Tuesday morning for some unoriginal thoughts and reactions.
All aboard the hype-train.